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Tuesday 7 July 2009

Astrologists call for less funding of the pure sciences and more funding for astrology

As our economic recession deepens, leading astrologists are lobbying to have their profession revered by the Irish public and policy officials. Since astrologists have predicted 24 of the last 3 solar eclipses, they clearly could play a major role in influencing Irish enterprise strategy and policy.

In the light of some astrologists incorrect conjectures in 2008 that the Irish economy would have a soft landing from the global downturn, it has emerged that in fact a range of alternative predictions for the recovery or otherwise of the economy were actually made by their colleagues: a U-shaped recovery, a V-shaped recovery, an L-shaped stagnation, a W-shaped double bounce, an O-shaped Groundhog-day stasis, and an I-shaped off-the-cliff collapse. Astrology therefore clearly has the ability to predict any specific actual outcome.

Astrologists have dismissed as naive the insights of a colleague of Laurence J. Peter, a well known educationalist, who noted that "an astrologist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted today didn't happen yesterday".

In view of the importance of hindsight in identifying accurate astrological predictions, astrologists feel strongly that the Government should massively increase funding in the number of PhD students studying astrology. More astrologists implies many more predictions, and some minority of them will then almost certainly be correct. In fact, the more astrologists we can produce, the more predictions we can then make, and the more certainty we can have that astrology will correctly predict the future of the Irish economy. While not all graduating astrologists may actually get jobs in astrology, nevertheless the intellectual property generated by their myriad PhD theses could be of some value in the predictive arts. This in turn could help rebrand Ireland as the land of "saints, sages and savants" which would clearly in turn greatly increase foreign direct investment as multinationals flock here to understand what the future holds.

Some astrologists are apparently deeply concerned by the Government's current policy of fostering research in the pure sciences, engineering and mathematics. As a soft social science, astrology is clearly under threat from the more pure analytical approach which hard science can provide. Hard scientific approaches could damage the astrologists innovative speculations, and hinder the emergence of a smartly forecasted economy.

Investment in astrology would also help staunch the growing unemployment rates. State investment in astrology would clearly create jobs. "Astrology is extremely useful as a form of employment for astrologists" claimed John Kenneth Galbright.

His colleague and well known economist John Kenneth Galbraith strongly supports the role which astrology could play on our economic recovery: "The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable".


Siobhan O'Dwyer said...

Why not retrain Ireland's politicians, economists, pundits and bankers in the art of astrology - even if they don't get their economic predictions right this time around at least they might help us all to find love, meet a dark stranger whose name begins with H, win a fortune etc...

The interesting question is why so many of us will actually pay to have someone tell us what the future will bring.

The Lal said...


Is this a joke or for real?

If its 4 Real then geez things have gone crazy!

chris horn @chrisjhorn said...

The Lai, :-)

shane said...


great article, could not agree more.

Ireland needs to look at astrology more seriously now in its implementation of public planning for future strategy and policy making long term. One thing that the world governments do NOT do as well as the leading economists is predict well a country's economic growth and the current model of policy making based on GDP % and per income ca pita is deeply flawed. Sure look at how profit in terms of export lead, driven companies like MNCs has lead us-what about the social costs?

Business with a consciousness is the way forward -look at the tribe/collaborative model pioneered by social networking-that is the way forward for all industries incl business worldwide- businesses which do not adapt this model will die-simple as that.
I just hope that Ireland looks at the changes and innovation in thinking abroad in Asia along 'lateral thinking' as taught by De Bono and a holistic approach rather than staying small minded..

look at how popular astrologists were/your importance in consulting kings in the 15-17th Century.

Anveto said...